One of my hardest challenges, as your mummy, is to fight
my overwhelming urge to protect you from everything. To wrap you up in the softest wool and to keep you warm and happy as I did when you were born.
The easiest thing is to try and protect you from experiencing sadness, rejection or disappointment and to shield you from the world,
the real world. But that would be wrong. I cannot bear you being sad but, more than that, I cannot bear the thought of you living in a sterile bubble in
which you don’t feel the raw emotions which
will shape you as a little person. It is a battle though. A battle against my instincts. I can't fight them but I can work hard to manage them so that they don't smother you. Tell me if I smother you. I'll try to stop. Nature's not my call. Nurture is the one I can work on. This is where I can try to prepare you for the world in the best way I know how whilst giving you the space to find your own way too
Yesterday you told me about your day at school, well, the bit that stood out for you:
"My best friend got shut in a drawer. I told the teacher and she helped him to get out"
I told you it was good to look out for your friends.
"It is Mummy. And if one is missing you should always check the drawers"
A good life lesson.
This week also saw you asking me what the army do? I explained that they protect our country and keep us safe. "From aliens, and bears and dragons you mean Mummy?" You're not ready to hear about holy wars and the liberation of far off nations from oppressive regimes. We'll stick with bears for now. "Mummy? Bears only live in hot countries, right? It's cold here isn't it?" It's ok sweetie, there are no bears here....aside from the friendly one from Peru that is....
And tonight, my biggest parenting challenge to date. "Mummy, you won't ever die, will you?" Help! Caught off guard, I couldn't speak. You saw my panic. You read my facial expression. The edges of your mouth turned down. The tears started rolling. I spluttered some incoherent words about everyone dying one day and moved on as fast as I could. You were sobbing. Too late. Through the sobs, "I don't want you to die Mummy." What do I do? What do I do? "MUMMIES NEVER DIE!" I blurted. Ahhh, calm. That went well. Another day maybe? We've got loads of time.
Night night baby. I love you.
"Somewhere over the rainbow, blue birds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow Why then, oh why can't I?" ~ Judy Garland (1939)
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