11 December 2013

Dear Molly, you'll grow up wanting to leave and, when you grow upyou'll want to go back

Today I went back to Cringleford, and I took you. This is where my childhood was and I was proud to show you to my village and my village to you. This place is entrenched in my soul. Not for any spectacular reason or because I'm eulogising about it where it's not due but because I grew into who I am today right there, in that normal little village. 
I felt like I was on a film set there today. Whilst pointing out to you what used to be our doctors' surgery, "for when you were poorly Mummy?" an elderly lady on a bench who I hadn't noticed turned to us and said, "hello sunshine" to you and asked me, "did you grow up here dear?" It felt poignant. I'm not sure why. 

We spent a couple of hours at, "your park from when you were small Mummy" and I felt right back at home. The trees, the air, the houses, so familiar. I wanted to wrap you into that feeling so that this wasn't a strange place to you. You ran around playing and proclaiming that "I love it here Mummy, it's lovely. I love your park from when you were small." That made me happy.
I sat on the hill watching you playing in the same little playhouse I used to sit in and resisted the urge to interrupt your chatter and play. I heard you serving fake tea to make-believe tea party goers and telling 'everyone' where they should be sitting. I think children need solitude sometimes and I try not to forget that and smother you with my ideas of how you should play. When you were ready you called me over to put you in the swing and push you "really, really high."
I have this wish, desire, belief that it's right, whatever you choose to call it to try and help you to understand your roots, where you came from and who you are. I hope that being somewhere that was such a big part of me will help that process.
I had a lovely morning with you and my park and you have been talking about "Mummy's park from when she was small" all afternoon so I hope it was more than just a trip to the swings for you. I have lots more places to show you but we've got plenty of time.

Thank you for today. I love you. Mummy x

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