31 January 2014

I want you to grow up strong

There's a strange paradox I feel in that I want to protect you from things you don't need to worry about whilst also wanting you to help me through my difficult times. That may sound selfish. It does, I can hear it. I don't believe I am the only one who has selfish thoughts from time to time. It's nothing I'd act on. It's just a feeling. I can't control it.

When something's on my mind it should be a welcome relief that you're happy, unaware and only concerned with whether Poppy the monkey would mind if Liony borrowed her handbag for a little while. Instead of being a distraction though, your blissful ignorance increases my worry. I now also have to contend with this overwhelming desire to protect my little girl from the worries of the grown-up world. That responsibility weighs heavily on me sometimes.

So whilst I want you to tell me what decisions to make and comfort me when I'm sad, my natural and overwhelming instincts are to shield you from all the bad stuff. And that's what I do.

You've been poorly this week. 

It's like when you're ill, or dealing with your Talipes. I would always rather it was me than you. Although, I have come to realise that children deal with that stuff much better than adults do. It might sound harsh but you'll never hear me pouring out watery platitudes about how brave you are with your boots and bar (you know no different, it's not bravery) or how your latest cold or flu virus is so unfair (they go round all of the children, every year). Don't get me wrong, I worry about you constantly, that's nature. But I also know that, actually, when you're ill, you just need to be warm and safe with good food and lots of sleep. I want you to grow up resilient and strong. Not feeling as though your boots and bar are in some way punishing or that a winter virus is the end of the world. My favourite thing about this week has been your determined insistence that, "I'm not poorly. It's just a little cough Mummy. I will be better in the morning." That is how we deal with these pesky viruses! 

Tonight you said, 

"Why did you not bring me a toy home tonight Mummy?"
"I wasn't supposed to was I?"
"Yes Mummy"
"That's why you love me Mummy"

You still use "that's why" in place of "because". And that is (one of the many reasons) why I love you sweetheart.

"Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands." - Anne Frank

No comments:

Post a Comment